I'm 22 and I'm about to get married to a very very very loving man. Some say, I'm throwing my life away. Some advised against my decisions. I didn't get all the approval that I was used of getting from my parents. I always followed them. A lot of my friends's parents tell me that I will soon regret this choice because I'm too young and I should go out into the world and "LIVE MY LIFE", ENJOY, BE SINGLE WITHOUT LIMITS AND WITHOUT A WEDDING BAND AND A HUSBAND OR A KID to hold me back from reaching my goals. I feel stronger for standing up on my own. I feel a little more independent each day knowing that I made this choice even though almost everybody was(or still is) against me. This truly is a fight versus me and the world.
On the other hand, some ladies on my age group, and some that are a little bit older than I am, say that I am very very lucky(I best prefer the word "BLESSED") to marry an American(since I'm a filipina and people, my countrymen, more often than not, stereotype me and think that I'm after the citizenship and his money;which is A BIG FAT LIE, of course, but then again, that's what all the women said when they married a foreign man so they can "live the life". So, I don't expect people to believe that I am genuinely in love with my fiance.) Some even told me "this is your dream come true. You must be very happy, you're finally gonna live in America". Notwithstanding, I am better than all these people. Sometimes, turning away is the best option. I could easily bitch slap the hell outta them, but of course, I am a lady with delicadeza( my fiance much prefer the term "classy lady").
One day, He asked me if this is my dream, if this is the life that I have dreamed of having. It hit me in the head like a big piece of rock that fell from the sky, like an avalanche coming out of nowhere, rolling down the steep slopes as I run for my life and scream helplessly. So, after he hanged up, I pondered upon the question. Okay, let's check! My dream life? is to graduate from nursing school at the age of 20(which if you must know, didn't happen because my mother cannot afford to send me to school after my father died and when she finally got married again, my Dad(second dad) decided that it would be best that I pursue my degree in the US, also which, failed since they failed to take me to the US before I reached the adult age 21) So, yeah, 22 and no degree while all my college friends has theirs and some are even pursuing, either a master's degree or a second bachelor's degree. First biggest disappointment of my life. I got over it(well, okay! still getting over it!) When my mother finally agreed upon sending me back to school for a different course(special education for kids with special needs OF COURSE!) while I stay here and wait for them to petition me to the US(they just moved to the US with my Dad) plus a business plan that I hoped to become a full blown lending company a few years from now with the help of a couple of really good friends of mine(investors) and, of course, the wisdom of an accountant(who is my Dad); life, once again, felt the need to turn my life around. I met a man.
He's in the Navy, 25 years old and divorced with one child who has been kidnapped by his bitchy-money whoring mother.(I'm sorry for my language, but it seemed so appropriate to describe such filthy lying, pompous extortionist). I found him and began talking to him through a dating site my mother had put me into. I was there for a little more than a year before I found him. We began talking and realized how much we like each other. So, he went down here to see me. It was his first surprise and it was unforgettable! I love him and his son(even though I know he may never love me back). I love both of them very much. We then, decided to get married.
I never wanted to be a military wife with the fear of a dreadful knock on the door that will bring the worse news in my life and might crush me to pieces and might, just might, leave me broken for the rest of my life. I don't want to have that constant fear in my heart. I don't think I'm brave enough for that sort of stuff. I want to live my life having to wake up in the morning, everyday with the man of life. Of course, that's not gonna happen either. Don't get me wrong, I DON'T REGRET MY CHOICE. :)
Back when I was in high school, I set up the best laid plan in my head( I thought it was the best plan I can ever come up with! :P I was young and naive! :P). It seemed a little bit far fetched, but I knew I can do it. I tried. I failed. I failed myself, there's no one else to blame. I was supposed to graduate from nursing school at the age of 20, get a 2 year hospital experience and take a chance on going abroad. Work for 2 years, so that, by the time I reach 24, I have my own house/apartment, a stable job, a degree that I can be proud of, a car, and a savings account. I wanted to have a husband and a child by the time I reach 24. That was my dream. A husband who was never married before, without a kid and a stable job that would enable him to spend as much time as he can with our family, who doesn't have to go away and our kid won't have to ask where Daddy is and why he won't be home for dinner for the next 6 months or so.
This is not what God had planned for me. This life that I have now, is not what I had in mind. BUT HE IS THE MAN I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR ALL MY LIFE SINCE MY VERY FIRST HEART BREAK.
That is why I want to spend the rest of my life with him. That is why I am more than willing to give up anything to back him up with whatever choices he would make in the future. This is why I am willing to rip off the list of things I wanted in life and write a new one. I revised everything. I had to, but not against my will. It wasn't easy either. Life was never easy for me. I love him and support him through good times and bad. I respect his job and how he works so hard to provide for me and his son. I love him and how his past made him the man I have been longing to spend my life with. Now he is mine till eternity. I know that it breaks his heart every time he has to go away. I know that he doesn't want to be far away from home. It breaks his heart more than it does mine. So, why? Why him? BECAUSE HE IS A FAITHFUL LOVING MAN, HUSBAND, FATHER, BEST FRIEND AND COMPANION. HE HELPED ME GROW. PULLED ME UP WHENEVER I FALL DOWN. HE GAVE ME A NEW MEANING. HE PAVED A NEW DIRECTION IN MY LIFE. A PATH, I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO JOURNEY WITH HIM. I chose him BECAUSE HE LOVES ME MORE THAN ANYBODY HAD EVER LOVED ME BEFORE.
Darling, this may not be the life I dreamed of having, but YOU ARE THE MAN I HAVE BEEN LONGING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH. EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE. I know it and I believe it! You bring out the best in me. You make me stronger each day. I am never going to give you up. You are the one for me, and I am the one for you. I may not thank you enough, I can never thank you enough, and even though I complain a lot, I appreciate everything that you're doing for me.
When my plans failed me, I LET GOD TAKE OVER and that's how I FOUND YOU! I WILL NEVER REGRET THIS CHOICE. I learned to stand up for myself because of you. You freed me from my chains. Marrying you, is not a bondage. YOU MAKE ME HAPPY, HAPPIER EACH DAY. Despite the trials and tribulations. I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. We'll find money one way or another. I'll get my degree soon enough! EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT JUST FINE.
So, instead, I will be married by the age of 22. Move to the US. Get a job and start school and just work my butt of until I get that degree that's been trying to run away from me for years!!! sheeesh! stop running away already! :P I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY BEFORE BECAUSE OF WHAT I RIGHT NOW. I stopped worrying about the future too much. I stopped over analyzing things. God is on our side. :) There is no better time than NOW. YES, I may not have what i wished for, but I HAVE SOMETHING SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I ASKED FOR!:)
NO money can buy the LOVE THAT HE'S GIVING ME. I FOUND THE BEST, AND THAT'S HIM.
I LOVE YOU! TO ETERNITY AND BACK! :)
